choco snaps

So Robin Brown is here with me in London and all is well.

Im glad hes here my last week. Its forcing me to be out in the city, seeing all the things you are suppose to think of when you think 'london'.

I am going to miss this city.

Half our floor left over the weekend. It was sad and the building is quiet and filled with strangers. I dont know. But our kitchen stayed clean!

My last night here, friday, also happens to be Robins birthday, so I have a very appropriate london ending/birthday celebrating activity planned. Im excited.

Saturday morning we leave EARLY for Barcelona. Four days there, then back home on WEDNESDAY THE 20th!!

Thats going to be a crazy day...breakfast in Barcelona, lunch in London, then dinner in California. Not looking forward to it. Like 14 hours in the air. Blah. The next day, thursday, I will be asleep. Then the NEXT day I have a hair appointment AND I will be spending the day with my sis and mom getting our nails did and shopping for xmas/my birthday. Im am also going to get myself my official birthday present. I always get myself something great for my birth...last year it was a gamecube, before that an ipod...this year a SIDEKICK. That day at midnight I turn 21, so thats what I will be doing the next day. Day after that is christmas eve, meaning next day is christmas. If all goes according to plan, I will leave two days after chirstmas to spend new years in sf with lauren. Then back home on January 2nd...back to work and prep for 'real' school. Blah.

So yeah, thats what Ill be doing the next couple weeks.

Im trying to get myself pumped for Barcelona, but its hard when its SO much work. Getting three freaking suitcases packed to store at Heathrow, plus my backpack to take to Spain. I kinda just want to go home. But! Its barcelona!!

I'll believe in anything.

I'm pretty sure my brain is a pretty great place. I just don't have access to the really great parts.

I believe this because every morning in the few minutes following my alarm, while I am still in that weird groggy in between sleep place, I have brillant thoughts. Either I come up with some amazing theory on human nature, or develope some amazing character, or a great song pops into my head. I'm pretty sure that these are all the tail ends of my dreams.

I then stumble into the shower, where the thoughts disappear within a few minutes, and I can never remember them.

However, the songs usually stick for a few hours, and its usually an overly appropriate song. Typically:

'Never as Tired as When I'm Waking Up'- LCD Soundsystem
'Golden Slumbers'- The Beatles
'I'm Only Sleeping'- The Beatles
etc.

I wish my conscious self was nearly as cool as my sub-conscious. I wish my genius expanded outside the walls of my shower.

Life is funny and London is winding down and Robin comes out in ONE week. He's here for ONE week, then we're in Barcelona for four days, then we head back to southern california, where the confusion will start to set in.

Run on sentences rule.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to head up to the San Francisco Bay for New Years. This will allow me a couple of days to spend with my family for Christmas and my birthday, then will allow me to spend time with my Lauren in the bay. When I was 17 I believed that once Lauren and I were legal together, we had potential to rule the world. We shall now see. And I still have faith.

This will also allow me to see Two Gallants play their 'homecoming' show in sf from coming home from their european tour...which I attended the first week of a couple weeks back. I've been obsessing over 'My Madonna' and I don't know why.

I have taken an uncomfortably lazy day today. I'm really sick. I'm pretty sure I have the plague and will not be allowed back in to the U.S.
Eh...thats not too bad.

Sorry for an update completly unrelated to any London adventures. I went out a lot last week, had too much fun...went on a three hour excursion for burritos yesterday(so worth it) and hit up the markets today. My internship is minding numbing and makes the days go by way too quickly. There. Thats all the London you need.

I kind of just want to be home tonight. With my cats. On my mac. Being lazy in my pjs. Mostly with my cats. I've got plans to self destruct this week though. Going out and keeping up.

Alright alright.

i'm only sleeping

So...the past couple of weeks have been absolutley surreal. I can't believe this is my life.

To start us off...

On tuesday night around 8:30pm myself and Abbey went down to Piccadilly Circus. We were armed with 1 sleeping bag and abot 5 layers of clothing each. We found the end of the line wrapped around the flagship Virgin Megastore, threw down our sleeping bag and prepared ourselves for a long night. Soon after, another kid from our program, Tim from Pennsylvania, joined us and our crew was complete.

We then sat there for SEVENTEEN hours. In the cold. Like, really cold. We never slept because none of us could feel our feet.

BUT OH WAIT NOW-

Why? Why did we do such a thing to ourselves? Well, because the one and only Sir Paul McCartney was doing a signing at 12:30pm on wednesday. And that is all the reason you need. He was promoting his new live concert dvd, and his new classical cd. And probably trying to get some god press away from all that heather crap.

We received numbers upon arriving...we were 155, 156, and 157. The rumor was he would be signing for between 150 and 200 people. The night went on well. It really didn't feel as awful and long as it should. Their were certain milestones, such as some random drunk Brit coming up and attempting to play us McCartney songs on his acoustic guitar. He was just super drunk though, so he had...difficulties.

We eagerly awaited 7am when the stores would open up allowing us food and bathrooms. I did wander away a couple of times through the night to walk and try and get blood back into my feet. It was weird to see Piccadilly and Leicester square so completely empty.

Around 8ish they started compacting the line. LOTS more people had started to show up around 4am. We eventually were counted off and allowed into the store, to buy our cds which would get us the wristband that would keep us in the line to meet Paul. We each bought two, as that was how many he would be signing per person. From here, we were moved to the second floor where the line wrapped in and out of the aisles. We settled down in between folk and blues, and it was here we got a few minutes of sleep.

Only 200 people were let upstairs. The rest, some who had to camp out almost as long as we did, were left in the looong line that wrapped around the building. They were still out in the cold, it eventually rained on them, and security kept telling them to hang on in case there was a chance paul really felt like signing alot.

Around 11 I got up and ventured downstairs and outside to go to the bathrooms at the tube station to brush my teeth and whatnot. It was pretty rad coming out of the store, with all the press hanging out on oneside, and all of the dissapointed fans on the other. Even cooler flashing my wrist to security and being allowed back into the store.

A little past 12:30 paul entered the signing area...without a spectacle of an entrance which was a slight disappointment. He started the signing...and we started the freaking out.

Longest line of my life...eventually the three of us get up to The Man, and had the most ridiculous moment of each of our young lives.

Paul told abbey he liked her hat. She asked him to personalize one to her dad, and he did.

Tim, I am jealous of, because as he passed the cds to paul, paul noticed he was shaking and had the following conversation:
Paul- Oh, wow you're shaking.
Tim- Yeah, I'm just really excited to meet you.
Paul- So what are you doing over here?
Tim- I'm studying.
Paul- Oh yeah? What are you studying?
tim then paused for an unnecessary long time, I suspect he may have forgotten his major,
Tim- Film.
Paul- Good luck with that.
Paul then reached over and gave Tim a handshake to emphasize his last statement. Tim receieved two handshakes total.

Then there was me.
I, being a complete fucktard, started crying about four people away from Paul. Once I got up to him, there was nothing I could do to subdue it or hold back. So my conversation with him was skewed and uncomfortable, as I couldn't articulate my words. I did however get a personalized cd for my dad (who I called my 'Pops' to Paul, which is a term I have never used in my life). I also receieved a handshake and a warm 'Cheers!'

Paul is an adorable man. He's aged for sure...but there is no denying that this man is still completely Paul McCartney.

It rained on our way to the tube. None of us could get over what had just happend. On the train on the way back we would just look at each other and start smilining and laughing. This, compounded with the fact that no one bothered to tell me that my face was still completely tear stained with my make-up, I am sure made me look completely insane.

It was one of the best experiences of my life, handsdown. I've listened to nothing but the Beatles ever since. Its like a need.

The next day, exhausted still, I went to City Hall for adoption panel. This was a very cool experience too. Cooler though, because the boardroom was on the 17th floor on the corner. This meant that I had two walls worth of amazing london view. The London eye and St.Pauls were behind me, and to my right and straight down was Buckingham Palace. This meant that when things got slow, I was able to watch the changing of the guards, from above.

After the meeting we went to our communication professor's house for Thanksgiving. Everyone contributed something, and everything was delicious. Our prof's girl is also a vegetarian, as are alot of the girls on our trip, so fake meat was even provided. Everything was so, so good. I couldn't have asked for a better london thanksgiving.

And that brings us to yesterday. We had our british life and culture class all day, which entailed us touring Westminster Abbey, then breaking for lunch, then meeting again to tour the Imperial War Museum. We did the Abbey, and then Abbey, Alyssa, Mitch, Anthony, and myself ditched class to take the light rail to Greenwich, so we could see the Prime Meridian.

This really shouldn't have been as fun as it was. We were all ridiculous and it was a beautiful day, and the park that the line is in is gorgeous, and we were all just happy.

It was good.

I also fed my addiction, and listened to Golden Slumbers at LEAST 7 times in a row on the train. I just needed to.

In conclusion, good people make good times. Under different circumstances, sitting 17 hours in the freezing cold on the street next to a leaking pipe could have really, really sucked. I couldn't have asked for better Paul-Meeting-Companions. Thanksgiving without my family could have been depressing, but we were all warm and happy together in the house of a very amazing woman.

I absolutely love this city, and I love the last few months, and I love every rad person I've met here.

Once again I will state: I am never coming home.

At least, home is something different now. I'll elaborate when you're older.

taxidermied cats london pub

I'm really excited that through sitemeter I am able to see that someone found my blog by searching for the above phrase in google.

That pretty much sums up all you need to know of my experiences in london.

I believe lauren taylor said something to the extent of 'I believe that london is simultaneously destroying you and fixing you.' Maybe not that, but something like that.

And thats how it feels.

Or something.

I'm afraid to go to sleep cause I feel like I'm missing out on something. I really dont sleep much anymore, but Im not tired...ever.

We went out for Alissa's birthday tonight. We dont go out to eat very often...its freaking expensive. Case in point: Really good fajitas, 2 margaritas...26GBP. Or, about 50usd.

Seriously. Its hard to find decent mexican food here, yeah, but 50 bucks dude...

I'm averaging only spending about 10 pounds a week on food though...so a really good meal for 26 isn't THAT bad.

Blah. I'm boring myself.

The circle and district lines were down today, and everyone was travelling through central london to go christmas shopping and whatnot. The underground was a fucking nightmare. Twice they pulled up to a platform, then announced they wouldn't be opening the doors because of overcrowding. There were cops doing crowd control at green park station. So I made my 'way out' and walked london all day. Which was good, cause it was a pretty gorgeous day.

My hair has been cut and it looks freaking atrocious. It makes me really, really sad.

I 'won' tickets to the 'premiere' of the Vice Guide to Travel at RESFEST tomorrow at the National Film Theatre. Anything with david cross is choice. (btw, they air arrested development here at like 1am on saturdays, or some ridiculous hour like that, I've only caught it once).

So yeah, I'm a winner baby.

I don't think I'm going to go back to work til it slows down in january. Despite what I originally thought, December 26th might not be the best day to jump back into the serving world. I'm terrified. Americans are mean.

Thats that and whatnot.

I'll carry a compass to find a nice girl with EU citizenship.

So the past few days have been amazing/weird/stressful with an extra dose of amazing.

Basically, Im in self-destruct mode. I didnt go to work today. I needed to be alone so that I could not wear pants and build a nest in my bed where I could shake and be sick and get all of the negativity out of me. That is all I will say about that.

Thursday night I ventured(alone) to the Scala to see one of my current top five favorite bands, Two Gallants, play a headlining show. This was weird for many reasons. The last time I saw them, was at a free show at a tiny record store in pomona. There was like 45 in the audience, just standing around them as they played, and it was so quiet between songs that it was awkward. This show, they had sold out, in a rather large venue, and people were singing along and going nutty. I learned that they have a sort of cult following here...strange. The opening band was the Cold War Kids...who are from my hood! That was exciting. The brits were critisizing their thick american accents. I met alot of cool people, and it was declared that I made the bar a very friendly place. SO not the same experience as when I go to shows in Hollywood alone.

That ended around midnight...I woke up at 3amish to get on the bus to BERLIN!

Its funny. The first places I went to abroad were london and paris. I was convinced that they were the coolest places ever. Now that I have a bit more under the belt...paris just gets to be lamer and lamer. Berlin is way near the top, and London is something else.

My first impression of Berlin was that it was like Tomorrowland at Disneyland. Like, this was someone's idea of what the future was suppose to be...and then the future actually happend.

That was only a small area though. Eighties architecture...etc.

Then there was REAL crazy super modern architecture, like the Sony Center and the new trainstation whose name escapes me. Basically, a huge, intimidating mall, and every few minutes a train rolls through. A trip.

It was way cold, like 40F, but we dressed appropriately and were ok for the most part. I had bought some imitarion converse hightops at primark the week before for FOUR POUNDS, and thank god I did...I really needed closed toe shoes. Its still weird to wear shoes with laces...I might be really lazy.

Im stuck in a rough place because I really, really dont want to return to the OC. I will, at least for spring, but come summer I hope to no longer exists amongst the stucco and strip malls.

So yeah, I'm currently taking applications from major cities across the U.S. with universities with semi-decent, semi-affordable film programs. Trust me on this one, YOU want ME in your city. Suggestions? East coast is not excluded.

Did I mention I think I hate sociology? I hear thats what happens around this time...everyone hates their major.

Back to BERLIN!

The last day Abbey and I parted ways because she wanted to go shopping and I wanted to go to the Guggenheim. Crazy modern art...big piles of concrete and vaseline scattered around a room. Weird. Weirder when you realize they were made as the artist harnessed himself, naked, from the ceiling and sculpted with his feet.

Throughout the trip I was thoroughly impressed with Berlin's street art. I found a coffee table book in the museum store of photography of some of the better pieces. The photographer mentioned that most of them were taken in the area around our hostel. So I decided that I would make my whole day an art appreciation day and wandered off to find me some art.

I seriously just searched walls, and my path ended up being pretty kamikaze as I would just turn down alleys and little side streets whenever I had a good feeling about what I would find. Overall, I saw tons of really, really good stuff. I was taking pictures until my camera died on me...and then of course EVERYTHING I saw after was vastly superior to the pieces I'd seen before.

I decided that I would start a niche walking tour company. I'm going to find the better pieces in the area, research the artists, and make a more sensible path in discovering them. I would also carry my stencil and a can with me and periodically allow my guests to add my mark wherever they saw fit. Whenever they came back to Berlin, they would have something to go to.

SO yeah. Thats it. I will now go back into hibernation and my little den made of crapy FIE supplied sheets.

italian meows

I am the worst london updater ever.

So last week (thursday through monday, roughly 11 days) was spent running around italy. We started in rome in an AMAZING hotel my dad's girlfriend hooked us up with using her marriott points. Rome was beautiful, the people were nice, and this was when we first discovered NUTELLA GELATO. Im not exaggerating when I say I gained like 8 pounds in italy. We ate gelato every day, sometimes twice, plus pizza and pasta etc. The coolest part about rome aside from the vatican and the sistine chapel and the colleseum was the CAT SANCTUARY. Theres these ruins in the middle of a piazza, where hundreds of cats are just allowed to roam free and hang out. I made friends with alot of cool italian cats. After that we went to our friends apartment in florence for a few days, saw the statue of David and the duomo. Really relaxed, beautiful, and fun to be around our friends again. We all then went to milan where we met up with their roommates. Milan is the most urban city we went to, and it rained pretty much the whole time we were there which felt suiting. After that we went to venice which was nothing like I expected in that it was much cooler. Just tons of TINY little alley ways that you have to navigate around...No streets, no cars. I wandered a bit by myself, and had some of the most rewarding moments in italy as a result. We flew back to london from venice on monday, tuesday I started my internship, and have been doing a 9-5 the past couple of days. I have to wake up early to tour parliment tomorrow, but you can bet I will be having two weeks worth of sleep come saturday...

My internship is nothing short of phenomenal. I'm working on the 'Looked After Children's Team' which is basically working for social services. I have a badge from the city of westminster which
makes me feel important. EVERY door in the building is constantly locked, and I have to swipe my little card with my face on it to get anywhere. I really wasnt excited about my job, but its been crazy and amazing so far. My first day my boss took me on a visit with her out to Petersborough...two hours on train...in the beautiful english countryside.
Its somewhere I would have NEVER gone to on my own, and the city of london paid
my way(22 GBP=44USD). My second day was spent in the office, where my job is to take HUGE files with every detail about a kids life and condense it into a one page summary time line. It took me all day to do one, and by the end of the day it felt like I totally knew this little girl...all of the kids have INSANE life stories. She was shipped here in a box from china...it took her three months by
boat after her parents had been imprisoned for being leaders of the Fallun-Gong
religious group. And her story is pretty tame. Today, though, has been the
best. We threw an annual conference at the Tate Britain for all of the older
kids, so it was this all day catered event where they showed art and films
they'd made, then were allowed to speak to a panel of people working for the
city about what they likes/didnt like about social services and their
placements and whatnot. Its seriously inspiring to see what great lives these
kids create for themselves out of terrible circumstances. The UK is the only
country that DOESNT send back kids under 18 who come here unaccompanied seeking
asylum...so thats alot of what we work with. Its been really rewarding so far.

SO heres a crazy thing...I was terrified to check my bank account after italy,
cause while I had been pretty good with my money, it was still a long pricey
trip. So I go online, and its not nearly as bad as I thought... TURNS OUT that
cal state fullerton found MORE grants I was eligible for...and had
automatically deposited it into my account. Free money makes me really
nervous...but it was 1000 dollars, which more than paid for my whole trip. This
is super crazy but Im going to go with it. The state of california is buying me a new pair of boots and a peacoat.

London is weird because I keep forgetting I live here. We havent done much of anything touristy so I think alot of the kids Im here with have a skewed perspective of what london is really like. A couple weeks ago I went with this girl Danielle up to Camden to see a swedish band that was in NME as the new Bright Eyes. He's called Loney, Dear and he just got signed to subpop. It was one of the funnest nights I've had here, and he was really, really good. I bought his cd but havent been able to put it on my ipod yet or even listen to it which is a huge bummer. Another band that played was called My Luminaries...they were fun too. Camden is supposedly where all the punks and goths hang out, so it has the most venues and a good amount of young kids such as myself, where Kensington does not. I really like it there, and they have a HUGE market on sundays where they sell clothes and art and such, and have street food stands set up that sell like CRAZY donuts(there arent donut stores in london), and something resembling MEXICAN food and crepes. So yeah, camden is basically my favorite place ever. Im going to see Two Gallants at the Scala pretty soon, and then go to Berlin the next morning...so that should be nutty. Halloween is tuesday? Im kinds eh about that as much of london is...but Im really excited for Guy Fawkes day. I havent seen V for Vendetta yet. Hes the guy that tried to blow up parliment on nov. 5th, and we celebrate it but lighting bonfires and blowing up fireworks in the parks throughout london.

The weekend before italy abbey and myself went to the london zoo, which is the worlds oldest. It was kinda depressing cause alot of the animals were indoors I think because of the weather. Giraffes dont belong indoors. Abbey dropped her camera case in the meercat pen, and they all instantly started fighting over it. It was golden.

There are some pics from italy up on abbey profile...theres a link below I believe. I need to start taking more pics around london...I keep forgetting. Life is just swell and Im never coming home.

Stuffed jackets=Baked potatoes.

Abbey and I finally gave in tonight and went on a search for mexican food. We found something close to it. A touristy restaurant called Chiquito in Leiscter Square. In addition to their strange take on mexican classics, they also had bbq ribs, french fries, and other similar items. No margaritas on their cocktail menu either...so yeah. We split an order of nachoes and a brownie sundae for 15gbp. Blah. But I got to eat what appeared to be tortilla chips and something that tasted vaguely like guacamole, so Im satisfied. I've also discovered that britain doesnt have yellow cheese. All of their cheddar is white, and while its good, its hard to get use to. Their take on service is also pretty sketchy. You have to flag the server over for everything, and its expected that you will. They also do this crazy thing at ALL restaurants where they bring a wireless credit card machine to your table so you never lose sight of your credit card. I think its excellent, but it makes for a weird tipping situation as you have to tell the server how much to add on.
Edinburgh was amazing. Period. It was really old, with tons of cobblestone streets. There were streetperformers playing bagpipes in kilts everywhere, and guys that were legitmately going out for the evening rocking their kilts and tuxedo tops. Our hostel was rad, with 12 beds per room(ours was all femmes) and shared showers. But everything was clean and nice, and it was directly across from Edinburgh castle on the Royal Mile...amazing location. There was this funny lady we talked to alot in our dorms. Sharon was 70 years old and travelling by herself to a holistic herbal college of some sort up north. She was a crazy hippy from washington, but super sweet and had lived a pretty amazing full life.
We took the bus both ways up, which was a painful ten hour ride, but dirt cheap. Our first day there we went to the Camera Obscura, which was this crazy tower museum that specialized in optical illusions. There was a floor of nothing but crazy halograms, and lots of other weird mind trippy things. We went up to the castle, but couldnt bring ourselves to shell out the 11 pounds to get in. We then went to the national gallery, which was super small but with some intense modern art. After that we stumbled upon an amazing old church graveyard. Many of the gravestones had really artistically done skulls and crossbones on them, and were from the 1800s. The skulls seemed so out of place and yet not. Later on we found this tiny vegan/vegetarian baked potato shop. I had the most amazing potato with vegan chili and cheese, for under 3 pounds. That place was so super good we went back the next day.
Day two we walked to Holyrood Palace and around the little park that surrounds it. Then we hiked up to what is known as 'Scotland's Disgrace', what was suppose to be a replica of the Pantheon on top of this gorgeous hill...but the Scots ran out of money so instead of the forty pillars or whatever it was suppose to have, it only had 12. It was still a cold but gorgeous day that provided for great views of the city. We went to New Town to a crazy little farmer's market with lots of really good looking food that we couldnt afford to get. My favorite place we went on Saturday was to the Royal Museum. They had one floor of Egyptian artifacts which was neat because I had never actually seen a mummy. Im also super down with the Egyptians because they worshipped cats...I can relate. The most amazing part of the museum though, was a HUGE wing dedicated to the animals of Great Britain. This meant there was every kind of animal ever, in all of their taxidermied glory. Polar bears, rats, walrus, sea otters, lions, and even HOUSE CATS. I'm not being facicious at all, it really was amazing and crazy to see such an extensive amount of animals in one place.
On Sunday we opted to take a coach up to the Highlands and Loch Ness. For those of you who dont know, Loch Ness is most famous for being the site of the blockbuster film, 'The Loch Ness Monster'. We were up there the whole day. It was beyond beautiful...super green with amazing hills and mountains. We unfortunately, however, did not see Nessie. Its creepy though, cause the locals totally take her to be fact. Like, oh yeah, my mom saw Nessie once. She's just something thats there and they believe it and ignore it and capitalize on it. Then monday was spent on the looong but beautiful drive back to London. Lots of sheep. Lots.
Its been a strange experience here in that I no longer have my beautiful iMac in my room, and I have to use the pc lab downstairs...which is full of Dells...nuff said. We have a tv in our room, but it only gets one channel, the BBC. As a result, I am growing a huge part of my brain back that has been killed off over the past few years. I am desperate for books and have been reading anything in front of me. I also bought a puzzle book with crosswords and code breakers in it. I love the code breakers, but the cross words are hard because the clues reference british words and media. I do not know the name of the australian on 'East Enders', and I THOUGHT cats said 'meow'. But there are only three spaces for what a cat says, and 'meow' clearly takes up four. Every country has a different word for what sound animals produce...and the vast majority think its crazy that we think a rooster says something as ridiculous as 'Cock-a-doodle-doo'. So yeah, if anyone knows what sound british cats make, let me know. I also have an EXCESSIVE amount of free time, and its hard(and pricey) to spend all of it wandering around the city.
Last week we saw STOMP!, which was amazing, and I would recommend to anyone. This week we saw an indie production called 'Rabbit' that had intense acting but was awkward cause our seats were pretty much on the stage. They keep giving us free stuff like that, and we keep taking it. Tomorrow we're going to Brick Lane, which is on the east end, so hopefully I'll hear some cockney. They're going to take us all (like 40 of us) to an Indian restaurant there also, on their dime.
So yeah, way too long, apologies for that. I need to update with more frequency, but I can only spend so much time in this room surrounded by dirty Dells. I really dont remember pcs sucking this bad...but oh, do they suck.
Love and miss everyone. I better be eating some real mexican food, made by REAL mexicans within an hour of landing on the 20th. That too! I extended my stay by a few days so Robin Brown can come out and visit. Hes getting here the 10th of Dec for my last week, then on the 16th we're going to head out to Barcelona(most likely, possibly Madrid) til the 20th. So yeah! Thats exciting too. We've also planned a 12 day trip to Italy over our thanksgiving break. Flying into Rome, then down to stay with our friends in Florence, then all of us our going to Venice where we will fly home to London from. Thats coming up on October 10th, crazy! Even crazier that our break is on October 10th, but thats something else. Hope everything in the OC is as good as it is here in the GB(oh no I didnt...)!